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inspiration for cancer patients
Mother's Day When Mom Has Cancer
How to celebrate her at home or in the hospital, gifts she will use all through treatment, and how to keep the day easy on her.
This year, give her a day that asks nothing of her.
When your mom is in cancer treatment, Mother's Day gets complicated. You want to make it special, and you don't want to wear her out. It can be a hard day for you too. The person you would normally ask for advice is the one you are worried about, and you don't have to hide that or fix it. Small is fine. A meal she didn't have to cook, the people she loves in one room, a soft cap that keeps her warm at night: that can be the whole day.
Mother's Day means a lot to us. My mother, Carol, and I started Headcovers in 1995, after her breast cancer left her with nothing she wanted to put on her head. These are the ideas I would give a friend planning the day for her own mom.
planning the day
her energy, her schedule, her call
Before you plan anything, ask her what she would enjoy. If she says she wants a quiet day, believe her, and plan a quiet day.
- Pick her best day. If an infusion falls near Mother's Day, the Sunday itself may be one of her harder days. Celebrate a few days early or a week late. She knows which days she usually feels best, so ask her.
- Keep it short, with an easy exit. Plan a short visit and let her decide whether she wants it to last longer. Agree on a signal she can give when she is ready to rest, so nobody has to ask.
- Ask before you cook. Treatment can change how food tastes and smells, and a dish she has always loved may not appeal right now. Ask what sounds good this week, or bring a few small things she can choose from.
- Take the work off her plate. You cook, you clear up, you take the photos, you wrangle the kids. If she is the one who always hosts, tell her ahead of time that this year she is a guest.
- Keep the germs at home. Chemo can lower the white blood cells that fight infection.1 Ask anyone who feels unwell to stay home and call instead, ask everyone else to wash their hands when they arrive, and set hand sanitizer by the door.
if she's in the hospital
bring the celebration to her room
A hospital room can still hold a celebration. Every unit has its own rules, so call the nurses' station before you go.
ask the unit first
- Visiting hours, and how many visitors can come at once.
- Whether flowers, plants and balloons are allowed. Some units don't allow fresh flowers or latex balloons.
- Whether you can bring in food, and what she is allowed to eat.
- Whether the grandchildren can visit.
a festive indoor picnic
Pack a meal she is allowed to have, a bottle of sparkling cider and plastic flutes, and a checkered cloth to spread over the tray table. If she feels up to it and her nurse says it is okay, carry the picnic out to the hospital courtyard.
comforts from home
Hospital rooms run cold. A soft sleep cap keeps her head warm, a silk robe feels a world away from a hospital gown, and a bamboo lap blanket goes home with her when she does.
her music
Make a playlist of her favorite songs and bring headphones or a small speaker, so the music stays after the visitors leave.
short visits, her lead
Keep visits short and let her steer the conversation. Some days she will want to talk about treatment. Other days she will want to hear about everything happening at home.
if she's at home
give her the day off
- Run the house for a day. Meals, dishes, laundry, walking the dog, all of it. If she usually hosts the family and would like company, host it for her at her house, so she doesn't have to go anywhere.
- Try on hats together, if she would enjoy it. If she has been talking about new hats or head scarves, ask whether she would like help choosing some. She may enjoy trying them on with family around her, or she may prefer to look through them privately.
- Sign a scarf. Give everyone a fabric marker and a plain cotton scarf, and let each person write a message or draw a picture. Slip cardboard underneath, let the ink dry completely, and set it with an iron if the marker says to. She can wear their good wishes to treatment or keep it as a keepsake.
- Help her choose a wig she wants. If a wig is on her mind, offering to buy it can be a thoughtful gift. Let her choose the style and color, and ask whether she would like to shop for wigs together or take her time on her own. A gift certificate lets her decide when she is ready, and our free wig color matching helps her find her shade.
- Bring out the old photos. Pull out the family albums and let the grandchildren ask about them.
- Get some fresh air, gently. A short walk or a chair on the porch. If her skin burns more easily during treatment, a wide-brim sun hat helps.
- Help her find a Look Good Feel Better workshop. Look Good Feel Better offers free workshops on skin care, makeup and the changes in appearance that come with treatment, online and in person, and the in-person sessions include a cosmetic kit to take home. My mother volunteered with the program and taught its classes. If your mom is interested, help her find a session at lookgoodfeelbetter.org, register her, and arrange the ride.
gifts she'll use
what she will reach for every day
A few everyday comforts can make thoughtful Mother's Day gifts. Start with what she likes, what she already uses, and anything she has mentioned needing. Her gift can also be something she would have loved before treatment: a book by her favorite author, a puzzle or coloring book, something for a hobby, or an item she has had her eye on.
a sleep cap
A bare head gets cold at night. A soft sleep cap keeps her warm, and many of our turbans double as one.
an everyday hat
Berets and slouchy beanies are two of our most popular shapes. Many women find a signature style and buy it in several colors, so if she already has a favorite hat, another color is a safe choice.
a blanket for treatment days
Our bamboo lap blanket is ultra-soft bamboo on one side and soft fleece on the other, the right size for cuddling up during infusions.
something soft to wear
A silk bathrobe she can wear all through treatment, or a piece from our clothing in viscose from bamboo.
a little pampering
An unscented therapy lotion or a vitamin C and E lip treatment. Skip anything scented, since treatment can change how things smell, and leave skin products during radiation to her care team's advice. A bottle of nail polish is a pick-me-up too; our nail care guide covers what to know during treatment.
a pair of earrings
Earrings dress up any cap or scarf, and they are an easy way to feel put together on a tired day. Our hypoallergenic earrings are gentle on sensitive skin.
something for queasy days
A box of ginger chews to keep in her bag or by the bed. They tuck easily into any gift.
a coupon book of help
Offer specific help: dinner one night next week, a ride to her next appointment, a load of laundry, a movie night. Once she says yes, handle the arrangements and follow through so she never has to remind you. Children can make it into a little coupon book.
if you're not sure what to choose
These are our tried and true picks, easy to wear and easy to love.
For more ideas, browse our gifts for cancer patients, or put together a care package of her favorites.
if you can't be there
from across town or across the country
- Set up a video call at a time she picks. Get your brothers and sisters on the same call, so she sees the whole family together.
- Mail a card from each grandchild. Drawings count. So does a short recorded message she can play again on a hard day.
- Pass a scarf around the family. Mail a plain cotton scarf and a fabric marker from one relative to the next, so everyone has signed it by the time it reaches her.
- Send a meal. Ask what she can eat first, then have it delivered to her door.
- Mail a gift. Something she will use, or a small care package, lets her know you are thinking of her.
- Call again the week after. When the celebration is over and the house is quiet, a second call means a lot.
if Mom is the caregiver
when it's her child or her husband in treatment
Some mothers spend Mother's Day at someone else's bedside. If your mom is caring for your brother, your sister, your dad or a grandchild with cancer, she still deserves a day, and she is probably the last person who would ask for one.
- Take a shift. Cover the hospital, the appointments or the overnight for a day, so she can sleep, shower and sit down without listening for a call.
- Give her something that is hers. A gift for the person she is caring for is kind, but it is not a Mother's Day gift. A robe, a lap blanket for long days in a waiting room, or a pair of earrings says the day is about her.
- Feed her. She may barely have time to sit down for a meal. Send a real one, or bring it and sit with her while she eats.
- Ask about her. Everyone asks how the patient is doing. Ask how she is doing, and give her time to answer.
from our customers
mothers and daughters, in their own words
In 2015 we asked our customers to tell us about their mothers. A few of the lines they shared:
"She held my hand as I cut my long beautiful thick hair and then went on to shave it."Deanna K.
"My mum has always been there for me, buying your beautiful scarves and beanies. Now we can share when she loses her hair."Pauline S.
"My mom would tell us, 'Let your smile be your umbrella.'"Ash Z.
mother's day questions
the short answers
what do you get a mom with cancer for Mother's Day?
Start with what she likes and what she has mentioned needing. Everyday comforts she will use through treatment make good gifts, and so does something she loved before treatment, like a favorite author or a hobby. If she wants a wig, let her choose it, together or with a gift certificate.
how do you celebrate Mother's Day in the hospital?
Call the unit first to ask about visiting hours, visitors, flowers and outside food. Then bring the celebration to her: a festive indoor picnic with a meal she is allowed to have, comforts from home like a sleep cap and a robe, and her favorite music. Keep the visit short and let her lead the conversation.
can you bring flowers to a cancer patient in the hospital?
It depends on the unit. Some units do not allow fresh flowers, plants or latex balloons, so ask the nurses before you bring them.
what if she doesn't feel up to celebrating?
Follow her lead. She may prefer a short call, a card, or a quiet day with no plans. If she would enjoy celebrating another time, choose a day together. She does not need to host, entertain, or make the day special for anyone else.
should I buy my mom a wig for Mother's Day?
A wig can be a thoughtful gift if it is something she wants. Let her choose the style and color: shop together if she would like company, or give her a gift certificate so she can take her time. Headcovers also offers free wig color matching to help her find her shade.
Shopping for Mom?
Soft caps, scarves and gifts for every day of treatment, much of it made by us.
why Mother's Day matters to us
specialists in hair loss since 1995
My mother, Carol Galland, went through breast cancer in 1990. When chemo took her hair, she couldn't find a hat or a wig she wanted to wear, and in 1995 the two of us started Headcovers so other women would have better choices.
I remember bringing my mother nail polish in different colors and painting her fingernails and toes. It made her feel pampered and pretty, and it gave me a simple way to care for her. However you spend Mother's Day with your mom this year, I hope she has a chance to relax and enjoy being cared for.
if this is a Mother's Day without her
If your mom is gone, this part is for you. I know that day. For years I went out for ice cream, because she loved ice cream, and ate her favorite foods. Some years I shut my bedroom door and cried. Other years I held it together for my kids, and that was hard. Then one Mother's Day it came to me that I was a mom too, and it was okay to celebrate the day with my own children.
There is no right way to spend it. Make her recipe, wear something of hers, say her name out loud, or skip the whole thing. Whatever you choose, it counts.
If you would like to share how you spent the day, or a memory of your mom, we would love to hear it. Tell us.
keep learning
1 National Cancer Institute, Infection and Neutropenia during Cancer Treatment.
This guide is for informational purposes only. It does not replace advice from your physician. If you have questions about your specific situation, please consult your care team.
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