Valentine’s Day. Date nights. Weekend or vacation getaways. Weddings and wedding anniversaries. These are all occasions that evoke romance…or at least, hopefully the potential for romance! When you’re undergoing chemotherapy, however, you may not feel terribly romantic. In fact, there’s a strong probability that you don’t feel romantic at all a good portion of the time. And with good reason: chemotherapy sucks!
You might encounter a few challenges with romance while you’re undergoing chemotherapy…
- You may feel sick, drained, or overcome with negative emotions, none of which is a good recipe for romance at any time, let alone while undergoing chemo
- You may feel mentally in the mood for romance, but your body responds otherwise
- You may not feel mentally in the mood for romance, but your partner responds otherwise
Take heart. There are a few ways to battle the chemo blues when romance is in the air.
Take It Down a Few Notches
You shouldn’t expect your romantic situations to be the same during chemo as other times in your life, so it helps to lower your own expectations as well as that of your lover’s. It helps to discuss this ahead of time: “Honey, I am not feeling so hot these days, so would you mind if we have a low-key night/anniversary/holiday this year?” Honest communications about these situations and how you’re feeling can go a long way.
Then, consider and propose alternatives. Perhaps your chemo version of a romantic get-together manifests as a meal from a special restaurant that you order for delivery versus going out. Perhaps it’s putting on a comfy chemo beanie and your favorite pajamas, and cuddling up under a luxury blanket on the sofa with your special someone to watch a streaming movie. Maybe it’s sharing a soaking bath with bubbles and candles. Maybe you even still get dressed up from head to toe but stay in and splurge on a glass of real bubbly that you’re otherwise avoiding during treatment.
Be Adaptable
The thing about going through chemo is its unpredictable effect on you – some days you might feel almost normal, while other days you can barely lift your head. You might find a rhythm to how you feel. For instance, the farther away from the day of infusion, the better you may feel. If your special romantic occasion falls on one of those farther away days, you might actually be perfectly ready to celebrate it. The key thing is that you and your partner have to be ready to adapt to what that day brings. Which brings me to…
Harness the Power of Positivity
Positivity is a theme with me. For special, romantic occasions, it’s especially important to put on your positivity hat! Though I mean that in a figurative sense, when you’re battling cancer and have no hair, chances are you may need to use a hat in the literal sense, too!
Start by imagining the romantic occasion. See yourself flush with a vibrant glow, smiling brightly. You have a great outfit on. On your head you’re wearing a fabulous-looking wig or your favorite headcover. You imagine yourself feeling well, happy, and maybe even frisky! Keep visualizing this version of you as you plan for your romantic get together.
As the actual occasion nears, take a shower. Seriously. I have found that taking a shower can be the transition that takes me from feeling lousy or too tired to feeling incrementally better! It is like some of the ick washes down the drain along with the shower water, and then you are ready for your next phase. If you haven’t already, pick out and then put on that great outfit. If you typically wear make-up on special occasions, get your face on, Girl! (Did you know that false eyebrows called “eyebrow wigs” also exist?! I didn’t!!) Don that glamorous wig, scarf, or hat. And now, most importantly of all, own it all: your look, your attitude, and your sizzle. Chances are, you will feel great and so much more your “normal” self, which will also make you feel great!
Just like with Cinderella, this great feeling may not last all night, but for as long as you’ve got it, appreciate and revel in it! Viva La Romance!
Sizzle-up your date night look with these hot items!
For a cozy night-in:
For a night on the town:
For any occasion: