If you have a friend or loved one who has been diagnosed with cancer, your mind might be reeling, thinking of ways to help. It’s not easy coming alongside someone who is going through this experience. Remember that the best support you can offer is to be a source of strength for them, a rock during this otherwise unpredictable time.
When it comes to more tangible ways you can help someone who’s been diagnosed with cancer, here are some ideas.
1. Buy chemo hats or other headcoverings for them.
Losing hair can be one of the most emotionally traumatic parts of cancer treatment, and a special headcovering, like an easy-to-wear turban or pre-tied scarf, can inspire strength and beauty during this ugly time. It may not seem like a lot, when you probably wish you could cure their pain instead, but in reality you’re arming your friend or loved one with a tangible, practical reminder that you care.
If you want to go the extra mile, consider organizing a hat party.
2. Send them a care package.
Go beyond a typical gift or two by preparing a total care package for your cancer patient buddy. Some of our favorite items for a chemo care package include ginger chews, therapy lotion and vitamin lip balm. Other gifts, like cozy socks and comfy clothes work too. The soothing hand feel of bamboo clothing can be perfect for treatment days. A lush silk bathrobe is a welcome option for long-term recovery. A chemo port t-shirt is another practical gift that reminds your loved one you are with them on the toughest days.
3. Shop (or send) for groceries
Often, tedious tasks become the most daunting for someone going through cancer. Making sure there are fresh fruits, veggies, and other wholesome foods well stocked is an integral part of treatment. If you live in a different city or don’t have time to do the shopping yourself, order groceries online or through an app — and don’t forget to add a few pints of ice cream.
4. Offer rides
Driving to and from doctor’s appointments is an exhausting part of any medical ailment, and cancer, with its rigorous treatment, is no different. If you can’t be there in person, offer to call a taxi or rideshare service.
5. Lend an ear
Sometimes, simply listening to your friend or loved one talk about their experience can work wonders. Ask questions about how they’re feeling, and don’t try to solve their problems with platitudes. Check out our guide on what to say (and not to say!) to someone with cancer when it comes time for you to respond.
6. Go to a doctor’s appointment
This is extremely personal, but can be extraordinarily helpful when appropriate. Being present to take notes, ask questions, and provide follow-up support after doctor’s appointments can save the cancer patient precious energy, which they can then spend on listening to their body and reducing personal tension during this stressful time.
7. Do something normal
Restoring a sense of normalcy is one of the most helpful things you can do for someone with cancer, elevating and enhancing a state of wellness for body, mind, and spirit. We love the idea of a movie marathon or binging TV at home. You could also take them on a drive through nature or a date at your local coffee shop. Consider conversation topics that don’t involve cancer, or do them one better and luxuriate in companionable silence.
8. Offer pet and childcare
This one’s obvious, but enormously helpful for any parent going through cancer treatment. If you can’t turn your home into a dog hotel, consider offering a set number of walks per week, or picking up Fido for grooming or veterinarian appointments.
Kids always need someone to pay attention to them, and it really does take a village when a parent or guardian needs to focus on their physical health. It’s also good emotional support for the kids, who are processing this in their own way.
9. Form a prayer network
If you are a spiritual person, you’re likely already praying, but take it one step further by setting up a network of people who can pass along specific requests from person to person. So instead of having to repeat themselves (and dwelling on incidentals that can be pretty gloomy), your cancer patient loved one only has to tell a single person, who then passes the updates, pleas and praises on to the rest of the network. Be sure to follow up on prayer requests to make your commitment clear.
10. Gift them a massage
When someone is feeling aches and pains, a gentle massage is a pampering experience that can provide comfort and relief. Some providers offer lymphatic massages specifically designed for cancer patients. Most offer gift cards, so you can send your loved one a prepaid treat.
11. Bring meals
Perhaps the most popular way to help someone who has cancer, bringing meals is a reliable aid for a reason. But try not to bombard the sick person’s house with casserole and lasagna. Switch it up with fun meals like enchiladas or make-your-own tacos, and pop in a surprise if possible, like pretty candlesticks or sparkling juice. If you aren’t a chef or can’t cook, order from a delivery app to keep it easy. But make sure you inform your friend or loved one first!
To go above and beyond, coordinate a meal train between local friends and family. There are a variety of meal planning apps that can help you coordinate.
12. Write for them
Someone who is going through cancer is likely to have dozens of unanswered texts and emails. Brew a pot of tea, sit yourselves down, and offer to transcribe messages while they speak.
For extra brownie points, offer to help go through snail mail. This may be a more daunting task, because it can include opening medical bills, but if you are brave and have a close relationship with the person, you can be the support they need to face it.
13. Take care of housework
You might be amazed at how astronomically helpful something simple like cleaning the bathroom can be for someone who has cancer. Quickly achieve superhero status by taking care of household tasks like yard work, sweeping and mopping, laundry and more.
If you don’t know what, specifically, to do around the house for someone who has cancer, just ask. If the person is reluctant to accept help, demand a list of things that need to be done. Everyone has household tasks to complete, and someone going through cancer is likely to fall behind on typical upkeep.
14. Don’t shy away
Many people slowly recede into the shadows when someone they know is going through a hard time, only to reappear again when things get better. Don’t be one of those people. If you care about someone who is going through cancer, make your presence clear by sending “just thinking about you” texts, showering them with hugs, and calling them on the phone “just because.”
15. Be happy
This might sound counterintuitive, but it’s actually one of the best things you can do for someone who’s been diagnosed with cancer. People tend to focus on what’s going wrong in life, and your cancer patient friend definitely has enough of this right now. While we’re not saying you should adhere to toxic positivity, there is much medicine in making a person laugh.
Try to think of a funny story or anecdote you can share, to help break up the heaviness of treatment plans and prognoses. There’s room for both darkness and light in the most stunning works of art. The same is true for your friend or loved one’s experience.